I struggle a lot with envy, I always envy others. And it’s a horrible feeling that just eats you up from inside. And I can’t control it. Even thou I’m extremely happy with my life sometimes it just hits me. The Envy. Like someone suddenly splashed a cold bucket of something slimy over my head. Dripping down, making every part of my body feel cold and icky.
The more I know a person, the more I envy them. I’m never envious of people I don’t know because to me they feel too unreal, too abstract. But with people I know it’s real. The difference between them and me becomes real. It’s so hard to feel this way about people I love; my friends, even my fiance. Because it makes me feel so disgusted with myself and angry with myself because this is not how I want to feel about the people I love. I want to be happy for them. I want to be happy for them without feeling that yucky, slimy feeling in my stomach.
I struggle a lot with envy, I always envy others. And it’s a horrible feeling that just eats you up from inside. And I can’t control it. Even thou I know I do not know everything about that persons life and how they are feeling sometimes it just hits me. The Envy. The part of myself I hate the most. The part that makes me feel small, insignificant, angry and disgusted at the same time.
I’m very happy with my life, I promise. But some feelings you just can’t control. You just have to learn how to deal with them.
A dream coloured life 